Sub Rosa
by blueskull
Summary: AU. "Can you keep a secret, Akane-chan?"
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Sub Rosa

 **Words:** 797

 **Warnings:** Angst and unrequited love.

 **Notes:** I just wanted to write something like this.

• • • • • • • •

She is nine years old when she first realizes she has a crush on Shindou Mikaela.

He has a bright, effervescent smile and a lilting voice – and his _eyes_. They are the bluest things she has ever seen and they always seem to dance, whether it be in joy or mischievousness.

"Akane-chan, can you keep a secret?"

Whenever Mika asks that, she _knows_ he's up to no good. "Ehhh, it depends on what it is." Akane humours him with a winning smile, covertly hanging onto his every word.

"I'm gonna tie Yuu-chan's shoelaces together! Don't tell him, okay?" His words are punctuated with something that would have probably originally been a childish giggle, although it comes out as a cackle.

She likes Mika, because sometimes he does things she is just too timid to do. Like tie people's shoelaces together, or punch bullies out of her personal space, or play and make friends.

• • • •

It's sort of a phase, but then it's not. Sometimes it comes, and sometimes it goes. Some days, all Akane wants to do is just stare at Mika; others, she can forget he's even in the same room as her. It's strange, but she supposes that that is the fickleness of the human heart. She's only human, after all, not some supernatural creature with control over her own emotions.

She's long stopped believing she _could_ control them. Perhaps she never did. It's not really something she thinks about very often. Mikaela is. That's how she knows it's a phase – and not. She's always wondering whether she likes him. How long can a prepubescent crush last?

• • • •

"Can you keep a secret, Akane-chan?" Mikaela asks. The question takes Akane by surprise, although she supposes it shouldn't. It's just a question, after all. There's no real meaning behind it, she thinks, as she twirls the rose idly between her thumb and index finger. It doesn't have thorns. She thinks it's almost cruel to cut them off – she's always thought it was like declawing a cat.

It's been a long, long time since Mika has last asked this question. It's been a while since they've been alone together; their first year of college is taking a bit of a toll on them. But Akane doesn't mind. She cherishes these moments all the more because of how rare they are.

"It depends on what it is," she answers breezily after a moment, tilting her head to smile at him, just like back then, just like they were kids.

There's a low hum as Mika stalls himself, his vibrant eyes trailing away from her face. Then he seems to get a hold of himself. "I think I like someone." The words come quickly, as if he has to stop himself from swallowing them back up, and it takes a moment for the brunette to realize that he means _like-like_ , as in _I have a crush on someone_ , or _I might be in love with someone_.

"Eh, really, Mika? You like someone?" She shouldn't be, but she's obscenely excited by this knowledge. Her heart goes pitter-patter and she wonders if this is his way of confessing to her. She once read a scenario like this in a book. Her palms grow sweaty and she can hardly control her nerves; she can only pray that she isn't blushing. The expression on Mika's face takes her breath away: it's the softest she has ever seen it. He's looking at _her_ like that –

No, she _wishes_ he would look at her like that, but somehow his gaze feels far away. He is looking past her, not at her. Akane feels herself falling down from cloud nine, a little pit of unease forming in her stomach. _There's someone else. It's someone else. It's always been someone else._ She knows before he opens his mouth to speak.

"Yeah, I think – " He breaks off, as if considering what to say. His smile is languid, a bare hint of white teeth underneath. There's a slight hitch of breath, and Akane finds herself holding her own, too. "I think I like Yuu-chan." Mikaela's liquid blue eyes finally affix to hers, and suddenly Akane knows that she likes Mika, she _like-likes_ him, she _has a crush on him_ , and _she might be in love with him_.

But she isn't even in the running.

"Oh, but…" The blond lifts a finger to his mouth and his lips curve in a smile. "Don't tell him, okay, Akane-chan?" There's something strangely mischievous in the gesture, as if he's divulging her a secret, one older than all their years put together.

She smiles, just to humour him.

Akane wonders why it feels like her heart breaking.

• • • •

The next morning on the way to campus, Akane purchases a single yellow tulip and a daffodil.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Sub Rosa

 **Words:** 470

 **Warnings:** Angst.

 **Notes:** I said I'd continue this! And look, I finally did...after so many months lmao. I sincerely hope it's as enjoyable as the first part. It's not as long, but it's a bit more introspective.

• • • • • • • •

Knowledge comes at a price. She just wishes it wasn't one she has to pay.

She doesn't know because anyone tells her – rather, it's the discreet looks, the smiles, and, finally, the hand-holding that let her know what she always knew would happen truly did come to pass. Akane's best friend confessed to her other best friend. Mikaela confessed to Yuuichirou. And Yuu confessed right back.

Her prepubescent crush has never let up, and she doesn't think it ever truly will. But seeing them grin like schoolgirls at one another from across the room makes her wish it had never really existed at all.

The brunette fumbles with the rose in her hand. Akane grips the stem in her hand just a bit too tight, and one of the thorns nick her skin, a small stream of blood welling up. The girl grimaces and quickly raises her hand to suck at the wound absentmindedly, soothing the rush of pain and gingerly transferring her flower to her other hand.

Oh, she realizes suddenly. Shindou Mikaela is like a rose.

Beautiful to look at, _breathtaking_ , really; but it hurts to get too close. Even his hair seems to prove how flowerlike he is – yellow roses stand for jealousy (which _she_ certainly is, as much as it pains her to admit), but it is also the flower of nobility. She doesn't think she's ever met someone as chivalrous as Mika is. Sure, he can be teasing and even a little abrasive at times, but overall, he is a lovely, loyal friend, who never fails to cheer her up and always keeps his promises.

He's never promised to fall in love with her, and he has kept that unmade promise as well.

But it won't do her any good to be bitter. And she isn't, not really – she won't let herself be bitter. That's childish and immature. She's above such pettiness – it has never been in her to hold grudges. And how can she be resentful over someone else's actions? It's not as if Mikaela ever chose to fall in love. It's not as if she has a right to be upset over someone else's happiness. It's not as if Akane chose to fall in love with Mika.

It still hurts, it still aches deep in her chest, like a blooming rose trying to tear its way out. It still makes her want to cry and scream and wish she had never met Mika at all.

But she'll overcome this. She's overcome worse before.

Mika finally notices her (such an accurate representation of their relationship, she thinks), and lifts one of his hands to wave Akane over happily. Undoubtedly, they want to break to her the good news.

She is nineteen years when she first tries to fall out of love with Shindou Mikaela.


End file.
